Emotional triggers...
I'm not sure I have identified them just yet and they are constantly changing. For a while it did not bother me to see fraternal twins, but for some reason, it hurts me a lot to see them now. I have seen lots and I mean lots of fraternal twins recently. They are at the mall, the library, the park, just about every where. Some times I just want to cry and other times I am so angry that I don't have Billy and Rosie here with me.
Going to church has been difficult too. Not only am I still mad at the church for how we were treated after their death, but I'm still mad at G-d because I don't understand why he took my children away from me. I would have been a good mother and loved them like crazy. Church is also difficult because I have to sit in the cry room which is where we sat just prior to the funeral. I don't remember any of the mass for Billy and Rosie, but I do remember seeing their little white coffin at the front of the alter. I remember my first glimpse of it while sitting in the cry room. I still see their coffin to this day.
Sometimes, there is nothing to trigger my sadness, it just happens. I'm not sure what or why a particular day makes me sad. I miss my babies and I look at my Molly and wish she had her brother and sister here so that she could play with them. I just miss them and wish they were here to play with their little sister.
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