Walking for you

Mommy and Daddy went to A Walk to Remember so we could walk in your memory.  It was such a beautiful day and we released balloons for each of you.  Rosie got a pink balloon just for her and Billy got a blue one just for him.  For both of you, Mommy and Daddy released a green balloon.  Daddy wrote special messages on each balloon for you two.  Then we watched all the balloons go up to Heaven for you and all the other babies to play with.  At the end, doves were released and they flew right over our heads and then flew up into the sky.  We miss you every day and love you so much.  You are our angels and we are so blessed to have had both of you in our lives even though it was only for a few minutes. 

Sibling

Mommy went to the doctor today and found out she is pregnant.  We are so excited that we can give you two a little brother or sister.  When your new sibling arrives next year, we will take him or her out to visit you in your forever bed.  Mommy and Daddy want your little brother or sister to know all about you and we expect for you two to watch over your new little sibling.  Please take care of your sibling while it is in Mommy's tummy.  We love you so much and you two will ALWAYS be our first born children and our angels.

Visiting

About a month ago, you came and visited daddy in his sleep.  He dreamed he was holding both of you and you guys were giggling.  Daddy said he could feel you in his arms and he was so happy.  Mommy and Daddy love it when you come to visit and I really love it when you make Daddy happy when he wakes up.  We miss you terribly and can't wait to be with you as a family one day.

Siblings to come

Mommy and daddy went to visit the doctor who helped create the two of you.  We found out that you have 8 siblings on ice.  We are so excited to begin trying again.  The doctor said that we can start next month and we agreed that only one sibling will be put in this time.  This time next year, you two will have a brother or sister.  Billy will have a little sibling and Rosie can be a big sister.  After the new baby gets here, mommy and daddy want you to look out for the new baby and visit with us all the time so that we can be a nice big family together.  We love you so much and miss you with all our hearts.

Butterfly Release

Mommy and Daddy went to a butterfly release to honor both of you.  A couple of the mommies and daddies from the group were there too.  There were real butterfiles in the boxes we were given.  It was really hard because mommy felt the butterflies moving inside the box and it reminded mommy of when you would move in her tummy.  Daddy was excited when he opened his box the butterfly slowly came out of the box, walked to the end and then flew away.  There were so many butterflies and it let mommy and daddy know the two of you were playing with all of the other angel babies. 

After the release, mommy felt so good to know that both of you were playing and flying with the angel babies.  Everytime I see a Monarch butterfly, I think of both of you.  Daddy has been so happy too because he sees butterflies in pairs and knows that it is you two visiting him and letting him know you are ok.  Mommy and daddy love and miss you, but we are happy that you are flitting and flying around.

Father's Day

Mommy and Daddy went to see you for Father's Day.  We had such a good time sitting with you and sharing cookies.  Daddy really misses holding both of you.  He cried a lot that day, but mommy reminded him that you are always with us and he will always be your daddy.  We love you and miss you so much.  Daddy's heart hurts all the time thinking about all the things the three of you would be doing together.  Daddy did like the card you got him.   It made him smile and cry at the same time. 

Visits with Mommy

Mommy has really enjoyed the visits we have had together.  One day at work, while I was filling my water bottle, I felt a tug on the back of my dress.  I looked back and did not see anyone.  I continued filling my water bottle and felt a tug again.  Again, no one was behind me.  I turned back around and felt another tug.  Mommy stood up and turned around and no one was behind me.  I know it was you two playing with Mommy.  It still makes me smile when I think of you pulling on my dress. 

Today, while Mommy was at the legislative history office, I put my purse on the hook and you two kept pulling it off.  Mommy just giggled and knew you two were playing with her.  I love it and want you two to keep playing with Mommy.  It makes me smile and reminds me that you are still here with me.  Mommy loves you so much and likes your playful spirits.

Father's Day

Mommy and Daddy went to visit you for Father's Day.  Daddy really liked the card you two got him.  We got sugar cookies to share with both of you.  Daddy really liked sharing them with the two of you and the geese.  He thought it was funny that Billy really wanted the cookies so that he can chase the geese.  Daddy enjoyed knowing Rosie was happy snuggling with the tigers and tiger cubs. 

We also took pretty flowers for both of you as well.  The flowers Mommy and Daddy planted for you on your birthday last month were still there so we put the new pretty flowers with the flowers already on your grave.  Daddy also found pinwheels while we were visiting with you cousins.  The pinwheels were pink and blue and we also put them on your grave.  The wind was just enough to allow the pinwheels to keep spinning.  It makes Mommy and Daddy smile to see them spin. 

Daddy's day has been really hard on Daddy.  He misses you both so much.  He wants to be holding you in his arms and they hurt because you aren't in them.  Daddy looks forward to the day when he gets to be with you both again.  It won't be anytime soon, but he will be happy when that day does come.  Daddy also needs to be around to help raise your brothers and sisters.  We plan on trying in August or September so that you guys will have brothers and sisters next year and we can all visit you.  Just know Mommy and Daddy miss you so much and we love you too.  One day we will all be together again.

Mother's Day

Mommy and Daddy went to visit you today.  You and Daddy got Mommy a wonderful Mommy's Day card for her first mother's day.  It made me cry and miss you both so much more.  Daddy also gave Mommy a rose that said she was the heart of the family.  He said that both of you told him what you liked and helped him pick everything out.  Mommy loved it and just looking at it makes me smile. 

Mommy and Daddy went to visit you at the cemetary too.  We brought you new white roses.  The roses reminded me of both of you, Billy and Rosie.  The flowers were so pure and perfect just like you.  I looked for roses with a tinge of blue for Rosie's palm, but they didn't have any.  Daddy was so cute trying to bury the flowers so that they are right over your grave.  He tried and tried until he was successful.  Daddy and mommy also gave you new cookies.  They are animal cookies that are covered in frosting.  We figured you would like them, especially Rosie since they are so sweet.  We left a few of them out so that you can share them with the geese. 

Mommy and Daddy plan on talking to the cemetary to determine why they keep taking your flowers and why they took your first bunnies.  Things are starting to get really pretty for the summer.  The trees are blooming and the leaves are on the trees.  The cemetary finally laid down sod so that you will have grass covering both of you.  Mommy and Daddy look forward to sitting with you on the grass and talking to you every birthday and holiday.  Hopefully, your new headstone will be in place soon so that we can always know it is you.  We miss you so much that we can even begin to express our hurt without falling over into a crying mess.  Mommy and Daddy look forward to the day we get to see you again.  We don't know when that will be, but until then please listen to your greatgrandmother.  Rosie you are named after her and she will take care of you just like she took care of Mommy when abuelita was alive.  Please give her kisses for me and tell her that I love and miss her every day.  Billy you need to listen to your grandpa.  You were named after him and he didn't get a lot of time with Daddy so he will be very happy to spend time with you and teach you how to grow up into a strong man.

Remember Mommy and Daddy miss you every moment of every day.  We love you with our entire beings and can't wait until the day we get to hold you again.

Back to Work

Mommy had to return to work yesterday.  I took your picture with me and placed you on my desk so that I could see your faces all day.  I placed you next to Daddy's picture so that he can watch you when Mommy has to step away from her desk.  Going back to work was so hard because I miss you so much.  When I came home last night, Daddy held me while I cried.  It was so hard to come home knowing that you two were  not here for me to hold, kiss and play with.  Everyone says it is suppose to get easier, but I am not sure when that will happen. Mommy and Daddy think of you and talk about you everyday.  We know that Billy likes to play with Daisy and tussle with her while Rosie likes to snuggle with Susie when Mommy and Daddy are gone, so you both are well taken care of and loved.

Playing in a Field of Flowers

Today Mommy received a massage.  While I was listening to the music, I saw both of you running and playing through a field of flowers.  Sometimes Billy would chase Rosie and other times, Rosie was chasing Billy.  At times, you would both run while holding hands while giggling.  Mommy was so happy to see you and hear your giggles.  While I will never hear you giggle on this earth, it was comforting to see you two playing and giggling with each other.  Mommy and Daddy love you both so much and will one day hold you in our arms.

We talked to the doctor last week and he said that we have 8 brothers and sisters frozen.  That means Billy and Rosie will be big a big brother and sister soon.  Mommy and Daddy will make sure your siblings know all about you two and we expect you to watch over your siblings too.  :)

Our New Butterflies

Mommy and Daddy received our butterflies from Waterford.  They are pink and blue and beautiful.  They remind Mommy of both of you.  Waterford will not sell any crystal unless it is perfect, just like you two.  We think of you both everyday and now we have symbols for each of you to look at all the time.

A Beautiful Poem

Mommy found this poem when I was looking for mementos of you. I had to change it so that it reflected both of you.

Don't weep at our grave, For we are not there
We've a date with a butterfly To dance in the air.
We'll be singing in the sunshine, Wild and free
Playing tag with the wind, While we're waiting for thee.

Easter

Mommy and Daddy came to visit you at the cemetery today. We took bunnies to you for your first Easter. There was a pink and a blue bunny in onesies with bunny feet and they said "My First Bunny". We also left Easter eggs on your grave. We didn't hide them so you two could find them easily. There were a lot of little babies out there with you that also had bunnies or eggs. Mommy and Daddy cried while we were with you. I know you are still with us, but Mommy gets so mad that we have to visit your grave instead of feeling you in my tummy. We would be getting ready for your big appearance next month, but instead we are visiting your grave. We miss you so much it hurts like nothing else has before. We love you both so much and know that you are in Heaven playing with the other babies. Mommy and Daddy want so bad to give you brothers and sisters. We will all go to visit you at the cemetery so you can get to know them and they can know you too. Mommy and Daddy love you both.

Our Story of Billy and Rosie

You were implanted on Sept. 11, 2011. Your daddy and I were so excited to see you as little 6 celled embryos. 2 weeks later, we got the news that you had implanted and we were officially pregnant. At 6 weeks, we had our first ultrasound and found out there were not one, but two of you. We were so excited, we were going to have two. We had another ultrasound at 8 weeks and then 9 weeks. You both were growing so quickly and looked like gummy bears.

We started seeing your doctor at 10 weeks. At that appointment, we saw you again and heard your heartbeats for the first time. It was the greatest sound I had ever heard in my life. Your hearts were beating so fast, but we were told that is normal. Every 2 weeks, we went back and saw you guys on the big screen at the doctor's office. At 16 weeks, we learned your genders, a boy and girl. It was amazing. I cried everytime I heard your heartbeats. The nurses kept calling you baby A and baby B, so we decided to nickname you Abner and Bertha.

At 20 weeks, we discovered that Rosie was baby A and Billy was baby B. Your nicknames were changed to Agatha and Bernie. Mommy kept getting bigger and bigger, but we were so excited for both of you to come into our lives. Rosie was always active when we would check on you two. In fact, everytime we would try and look at Billy, we would see Rosie's hand or foot as she hit him. Billy was usually sleeping and we would have to wake him up. Once he woke up, he would flash his winkie at us which would make us laugh and reminded Mommy of Daddy. Rosie was always modest and it took time to see her girly parts.

On January 25, you made your appearances. Daddy and I went to the hospital at 4:30 a.m. because Mommy was having contractions. We were so scared because we were only 22 weeks along. By 9:00 a.m., the doctor told us that Mommy had an infection and it caused Billy's water to break and get infected. The doctor said that we had to deliver Billy and there was nothing they could do for him. Mommy and Daddy were heartbroken. The doctor said that he could save Rosie, but there was nothing he could do for Billy. Mommy and Daddy begged him to do something for Billy, but he said Billy was just too young and his lungs were not developed.

At 11:49 a.m., Billy was delivered. As the doctor was cutting his cord, Rosie's water broke and she came out at 11:51 a.m. You were both so beautiful and perfect.  Billy looked just like Daddy.  They had the same forehead and Billy had Daddy's chin and skin coloring.  Rosie looked more like Mommy with the darker skin coloring and she didn't have an upper lip, just like Mommy.  Rosie was also blue because of the die the doctor put in Mommy's tummy to make sure her membranes were ok.

Mommy and Daddy were devastated that we lost both of you. Your aunt believes that Rosie did not want to be without Billy so she decided to go with him. We think of you everyday and are sad that you are not with us physically. We know you are in Heaven with your great grandma and your grandpa because they are your namesakes.

We love you both so much and look forward to the day we can be together again.